That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
