i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
