drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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