Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He has the fingertips of a God
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
