In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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