where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
