well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
