There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
