I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
