apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
