I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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