I can text with my tongue
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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