I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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