the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
