I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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