I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
