soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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