Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
