I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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