**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
