Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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