Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
