i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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