I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
