I want to make a zoo with you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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