Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
tequila makes me forget i have legs
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
