Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
