I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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