yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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