You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
