i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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