and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
how drunk are you?
Several
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
