I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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