we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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