dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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