i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
