she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
