He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
