guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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