Your face is a jimmy john
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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