Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The struggles of a small town man whore
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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