you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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