You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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