I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
