please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
