I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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