My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
foreskin is a definite game changer
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
