do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
