and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
