last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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