I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
