:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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