thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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