i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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