this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
