Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
