whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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