we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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