Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
