I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
