this just has baby written all over it
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
