Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
