I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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